Ok here goes..Im 20, full time mum and have a
HUGE problem on my hands.
This might sound silly to some people but to
me its deadly serious and affecting my health
and my life.
I have an obsession with my weight, looks and
size in general. I have been in a size 4 up
until approx 4 month ago. Im now in a 6.
Basically i once thought i had recovered and
was eating and everything else. But i was
tryin some jeans on in river island and they
were a 6. But they woudnt fit!!! (now for
those of you who shop at river island their
size 6 is smaller than most size 6's so its
more generally a 4/6) but usually i was into
them.
SO this has since 2 days ago sent me back
into regression, i signed back up to the pro
ana sites yesterday and wouldnt touch a thing
to eat at tea.
Im worried cos when i was like this before it
caused so many problems in my relationship.
He was complainin that he could see too many
bones.
I saw past teh bones, i saw beauty.
NO FAT to be more precise.
There are 2 parts to this though, one side
wants to get better again cos of my son and i
guess thats my motherly side kicking in, on
the other hand i dont feel ill being this
thin therefore i dont see the need to get
better, so how am i supposed to get help
while feelin like this? I swear sometimes i
think im scitzo as well as bloody crazy!
seriously tho has anyone got any advice?
I did go and see a GP about 7 months ago
approx. And he didnt seem to fully understand
what i was tryin to get across to him. He
just looked and listened and in the end i
felt where is this getting me, i left the
surgury feelin worse than ever. I got a
referal through a week or two later to a
mental health clinic which deeply offended me
cos its not like im being sick or that im
fasting for days on end if i was to that
extreme i could understand it.
I didnt feel like he helped and therefore
didnt go to the appointment, tbh i couldnt
face walkin into a clinic like that.
I just want somebody to talk to, confide in
without being told "you are what is
technically referred to as a FREAK" neither
do i want to talk to anyone on these pro ana
sites cos i dont feel i should be encouraged
to do it anymore, deep down i know its wrong,
i know of the risks but its almost like a
drug addiction. ONce it sucks you in, thats
it. Your trapped.
Iv had this "condition" now for nearly 3
years altogether.
i do, i have my father and his wife but they
live in the higlands in Scotland so it isnt
like i can pop round and have a chat. Over
the phone, i can never find the right moment.
They have noticed im thin tho, they look at
my pics on facebook n comment bout it.
And as for friends, a lot of them are thin
and i feel out of place there. But i have 1
friend imparticular who i can talk to its
just awkward when u have to face them
everyday without truly knowing what theyre
thinking. (regarding what you've told them)
Its just isolating me so much from everybody
and everything.
You are not alone Hun, What you just did is a
great step to recovery. recognizing that you
have a problem is far better than telling
yourself that you do not have any. Talking
like you do is an excellent way to get the
company and the support of others. Maybe if
you call you father you will find that he is
there any time you need his help. I am sure
of it. Please be aware that you can PM me
also if you just want to released some hurt
or just want to chat...
Not happy with my doctor. been to him the
other day and tried to talk to him bout this
issue. not working at all! He basically said
lets try again referring you to the mental
health specialist!!! I AM NOT INSANE!
it aint right, im tryin to help myself and
insted they let me go as a lost cause!! Whats
the point tryin to get better? When all i get
is this [censored]!
I even get worried that im fat again, unknown
to some, i have started measuring my chest
and belly. just to see how big i am.
so its xmas tommorrow and i feel like
[censored] and im having to play happy
families really knowing that i cant recover
on my own but on the other hand i dont want
anyone else in my world, cos when im there i
feel peace! Why am i so damn abnormal!!??
Hi Tinyangel, I went to a meeting with a
mental health specialist on referal from a
plastic surgeon who could not grasp my
acceptance of my situation, he was worried
that I was in denial and did not understand
the process I was about to embark upon. The
Doctor I met was very pleasent and we had a
good conversation which ended in her bursting
into laughter at my attitude to the fact I
had lost the lower part of my nose[couldnt
wait for Red Nose day] but she confirmed that
my thinking was not confused but that I had
accepted the reality of the situation. Hope
this helps you to understand that not all
referals are bad but are aimed at helping you
to talk out your worries with a non
judgemental and helpful person.
it just feels that theyre taking the mick
really. Im not mental lol. I know my
situation rather well, i know its wrong but
im the one tryin to get help. no-1 else is
doin that for me, its me doin it.
I just want someone to take me in and
understand me, and it seems like an endless
task...
I'm with sparky on this - mental health
workers are psychologists - they work on your
mental well-being,they help you to find out
any underlying problems that may have
started, and continue to trigger this
abnormal way of thinking.
And being as weight issues ARE to do with the
mind (as you aren't fat, but that is how you
PERCEIVE yourself), then i think that seeing
a mental health worker is probably the best
place to start.
I know that a lot of people think that
counsellors/psychologists etc don't work, but
trust me, they do - when you have the right
ones.
If you don't change your way of thinking,
then you will never get better.
Don't worry about what other people think -
you know that you are not mental, and yoou
are ill - go see them; what have you got to
lose?
Once
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