6 years ago i became pregnant after trying
for 9 months.My boyfriend and i were so happy
n we started preparing for our arrival.At
almost 6 months pregnant there was a tiny
spot of blood in my pants so 2 b on the safe
side i went 2 the maternity unit 2 be checked
out.I thought it would b something minor.A
midwife examined me,then called a Dr
in.Looking very glum he told me i was 2cm
dialated.Shocked is not the word!"So,what can
u do?"i asked expectantly,"There is a
procedure we would normally do where we
insert a stitch into ur cervix"he said"It is
called a cervical suture but the amniotic sac
is bulging thru the cervix n if we gave u the
suture,the sac will most likely pop n ur baby
will b born now".I was absolutely devastated
crying so hard that i literally could not
breathe,my baby was kicking which made it
worse.The only option i had was to stay in
hospital n stay in bed the whole time 2 keep
the pressure off my cervix.This was happening
due 2 my cervix being weak.If i stayed laying
on my back,the Dr's hoped i could make it
another couple of weeks n my baby would have
more chance of survival.I went into labour 4
days later n they said i was miscarrying too
plus had a major infection.I was in
labour,miscarrying n had the infection from
hell i dont know how 2 describe the pain!?I
had stroid injections 2 try 2 mature my
baby's lungs n 24 hours on,as i stood up 2
use the loo,i felt a pop n my baby was coming
feet first.I pushed him out standing up n the
Dr's whisked him away across the room.I heard
no cry but i already knew he was gone.They
bought him 2 me in a dolly's cradle,he was
1lb 3oz n absolutely beautiful.He had
everything he just looked like a tiny little
baby sleeping,only he wasn't he was dead.We
named him Bobby(After sir Bobby moore,his dad
supports westham)The hospital let us stay in
this special room they had which had its own
kitchen so we could have Bobby with us for
the night.I did not sleep a wink i just
stared at him the whole time absorbing every
little detail n then 2pm the next day they
took him away n i have never felt pain like
that b4.Leaving hospital without him was
torture.We buried him a wk on with his gr8
nan,i did not want him 2 be alone in the
ground.He would have been 5 yr's old now.I
became pregnant again straight away n i had
the suture at 18 wk's n i now have a gorgeous
lil girl Ellie,she is my miracle.If i ever
become pregnant again i always have 2 have
the suture in at 18 wk's,removed at 38 wk's
but there is always the chance that my body
could reject it too,there is no garentee of
me carrying a baby full term.I just wanted 2
share my story as when it happened 2 me,it
felt like i was the only 1 in the world who'd
gone thru it n it helped me 2 read other
womens stories who had also gone thru the
same thing n i would like 2 help
others.Having children really is a gift.
aawww, such a sad story. i dont envy anyone
who has to go through something as terrible
as that....at least you have your daughter
now. (my names also ellie )
i know she will never actually replace Bobby
but i bet shes eased the grief.
just make sure you tell her all about her big
brother
Such a sad reality that some mums have to
live through.
I can't even imagine what that must have felt
like for you!.
My goes out to you, the dad and family
xx
Do you think you'll try for another baby
knowing the pain/risks you'll have to go
through?
arrrr Amylou, you have been through so much
in your life, I am so sorry about the pain
you have experienced. It makes us all
stronger and time is a good healer! Health
and happiness to you and your family!
What a lovely poem from Charly,that made me
cry.Thank you for that is was sweet.And
thanks for the kind words from the rest of
you too.It is a hard thing to go
thru,probably the hardest thing i have ever
endured.In answer to a question,yes i do want
to have another baby,just the one,i dont want
Ellie to be an only child but it is very
scary for me.I am currently starting a new
relationship n i have not yet told him about
Bobby and the problems i have carrying full
term but i will do n i hope he's not put off
by it as the simple fact is that if and when
i become pregnant again,there is no garentee
that i wont lose the baby again and if i do
lose another one the pregnancy will always be
far along,between 5 and 6 months gone.The
stitch is not 100% but it does have a good
success rate n it worked for me to have Ellie
so for that reason i will one day have the
courage to try again.Ellie did make a lot of
the pain easier to bare,when i lost Bobby i
NEEDED to be a mum,my breasts were full of
milk but with no baby to feed,all my maternal
instincts were there but there was no baby
and that was really hard so when Ellie came
along she filled that awful gap for me and i
treasure that little girl every single day
and always will for how truly lucky i am to
have her.Things do happen for a reason,i
believe in fate and life after death.I had to
have and lose Bobby in my lifetime for my
soul to grow,thats how i look at it.And with
my dad passing last xmas i now like to think
he is up there looking after my son for
me.Thanks to you all.x
We're all different hon, to how we react to
things, but if anyone spread malicious
rumours about any of my kids and caused more
hurt after when coping with a tragedy like
that......I'd be stamping all over their face
too, and would'nt care if I was nicked for
it.
well i would have kicked their head in if i
didnt have a child.
if my child was abused or something then that
would be different.
people like that thrive off of fights,
rumours and causing trouble.
to them...having their head kicked in would
just be something to tell the grankids.
i dont associate with scrubbers anyway
Ladygenie and luckylips-well said both of u,i
agree with u both 2 a certain extent.When you
are a mother,yes you should avoid violence
where possible but in some cases,whether you
have kids or not can not always b ur first
thought unfortunately.Take me for
example,after the story i have shared with
you,imagine if some1 was to laugh in my face
about me losing my son(Just an example)all
the different emotions i was going thru at
the time,the biggest emotion being the loss
of a child,i would not be able to think about
anything else apart from promptly smahing
their face in.
ive been in situations many times where ive
wanted to knock someone out. (most of all my
fella)
but at the end of the day i have some
restraint and control myself.
im sorry but if i lost a child or something
and someone took the pi55 out of me for it or
said something, id laugh in their face (even
a fake laugh would do ).
how pathetic and imature would you have to be
to do something like that to someones whos
going through hell?!
Yeah i agree,if some1 were 2 say something
like that to a grieving mother then they
would obviously b pretty messed up.I admire
your resraint tho,i really do but i guess i
am not as strong as you when it comes to
things like that.Lol at you mainly feeling
that way about your fella,i can 100% relate
to that one!
*cuddles*
)
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